A Personal Relationship.

People always talked to me about, or preached to me about a personal relationship with Jesus. I didn't get it.

I'd been a born again christian for 3 years. I knew God loves me more than I can comprehend. I knew about what Abraham went through when God asked him to sacrifice his son, I knew how God stopped him, but He didn't stop himself when it was His own son He punished. I knew that Jesus loves me so much that He endured that suffering with not a single word of judgement or complaint, instead he cried, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".

I prayed, I read my bible (albeit only occasionally), I talked with God throughout the day. Still, I had no concept of this 'personal relationship with Jesus'. He existed to me, but not in a tangible way. His name holds power, but who was this guy?

To me, a personal relationship, especially with someone who is always there, by your side, holding your hand, it's a relationship like I would expect to have with a husband, a lover. That is not something I would have ever associated with a spiritual being, that's just a bit weird!

We read, and we are told about how when we accept Jesus as our Saviour, we become his brothers and sisters, co-heirs with Christ. For me, this labelled Jesus as my brother - definitely not someone I could see as a lover!

What really cemented that brother-like relationship was how I saw God, the Father. To me, since I started getting to know him those 3 and a half years ago, he's been Dad. The perfect father. He doesn't make mistakes, He never refuses to be somewhere with me, He always has an ear to hear me, He shows me what to expect my husband(whom he has chosen for me) to be like, or aspire to be. He truly embodied all the greatness that a young girl has for her father.

This, I believe, was necessary for me to experience, I needed to know I am loved, I am intrinsically worthy, not of this world, but of every single promise God has made me, I am worthy of all things in heaven, I am useful to the people in my world. These are things a little

girl learns from her Dad, and I'm so thankful he took that time to teach me.

There is one very simple, very fundamental thing wrong with this. God will never fit in a box. He's bigger, more awesome, more unimaginably greater than any label we can put on Him. A couple of weeks ago I realised this. I, with my voice loud and strong, told Him "I got it, I heard, I'm letting you out.  Be who you are:I want YOU, not my idea of you!".

At that point I realised Jesus was in a box too, His was labelled brother.

What happened the next day shocked me. I was having a particularly single girl moment, talking to God about how no one was fancying me, and thanking Him that He has created a man out there with eyes just for me. At that point, Jesus interrupted. Now this was shocking to me for a couple of reasons. I hadn't yet ever heard from Jesus, and He interrupted God! Who does that?!

What really gobsmacked me was what he said. "I think you are the most beautiful girl on the earth. You are sexy." Can you actually imagine that? My heart fills with joy just thinking about it.

Since then, I've become much more aware of Jesus with me, whenever, wherever I am. A lot of the time it's a choice, I have to think, hey are you here? Can you see me? Do you know what's going on? As soon as I do, He answers. I get a smile, a hand on my shoulder, a squeeze of His hand in mine or maybe just a look over at me, or a simple "Yes, of course. Always."

I'm growing, I'm stretching and I am so much more capable of doing anything I am called to do. It's all because of Jesus. My love and my life.

I am happy and I am excited and I am overflowing with joy and thankfulness. I've fallen in love with our Saviour and I can't even put into words how incredible that is.

"It just happens", they say, but I believe you need to be willing to let it. Letting go of the concepts of crazy and weird and even sanity, opened me up to so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of an empty tomb. It celebrates a risen Saviour. This year, and each year going forward will be better, more special, more happy more joyous than the last three, because standing next to me, holding my hand, will be God the Son, the man who died on the cross, the man who was wrapped and placed in that tomb, the man who wasn't there when it was opened, and the man who gave his life so that I may spend eternity with him.

When we say or write or hastag Cross = Love, it's not just about easter, it's about

Life with Jesus, forever.

Be filled, be blessed. Live, always.